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#31 Dorcas

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Posted 14 September 2019 - 09:04

 

Adultpianist, I have sent texts, and they have not got through.  In fairness to your teacher, I think you need to assume they are telling they truth.  Ending lessons can be awkward for several reasons.  From the teacher's point of view, you are only one bad review online from going out of business.  I had a defamatory review a few years ago, and it seriously impacted on my income.   I had the review taken down, and hey presto, all slowly improved.  That review cost in me in the region of £20K.   Your teacher has no idea if you are going to turn nasty, are just moving on, or going to work with another teacher.  Being neutral is often the safest approach, as it can avoid serious fallout.  

 

You have decided to finish lessons.  Your teacher has accept this.  Time to move one.

why would I turn nasty.  That is not in my nature.   I have no reason to turn nasty.   I was taught some very good techniques which I put into practice and I am thankful for that.   I genuinely do not have the time to pursue lessons at the moment and that is the reason and that is what I told her.   If I have no time to pursue lessons why would I go on to another teacher because I would be in the same position (no time for lessons).   My job has become increasingly busy and if I try to fit in flute as well I would be running myself into the ground and would be mentally and physically ill.   I genuinely want to learn the flute but when I started , my job was less busy.    As I said I will continue to practice at home as and when I can to keep things ticking over.  Obviously I am not skilled enough to try new things but at least I can practice what I have been taught and improve on that for now

 

Your instrumental teacher has not spent that much time with you, and cannot be assured of your true personality.  I am not saying any of this to personally attack you, just trying to get you to see why your teacher reacted the way she did.

 

Your reasons for stopping are perfectly valid.  What I do think was unnecessary, was to imply your teacher lied when she said she did not receive the text.  When I send out texts asking my students to pay their fees, I accept it if they tell me the message did not get through.  To be frank, Adultpianist, you have come on here asking advice, followed it, it worked, and now you are criticising your teacher for not being effusive enough when you gave notice.  I am going to call you out on this, I think you are in fact being remarkably unkind, and your teacher was correct to be neutral.  You have decided to stop lessons, have given notice, and now prefer to believe your teacher is a liar who did not pay you enough compliments.  Stop whining.

 

edit: just come back to read this thread, have decided to put the boot in more often, folks on here seem to like it, crikey!! :ninja:


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#32 elemimele

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Posted 14 September 2019 - 09:35

It's a pity that stopping lessons is such an emotional thing. Every student who starts lessons will, at some point, stop. It's actually a normal part of life. We move around the country, we change interests, our lives change, we have less time, we feel we're getting nowhere and need a break, we run out of cash and can't really afford it (but don't want to say so!), all sorts of things change. I hope teachers understand. It's obviously nicest to know it's "not your fault", so a teacher is bound to be happier if they get a quick one-line explanation that it's not their teaching-style or something they did, that has caused you to stop. But apart from that, the world would be a healthier place if both teachers and pupils were less angst-ful about parting company. It's not as though it undoes all the good that has been done, and it opens the way for both parties to move forward to new things.


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#33 Dorcas

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Posted 14 September 2019 - 09:45

  :agree: 

 

Elimele, you have rather more patience than me, and have put what I am thinking rather more kindly.  Over the years, students have come and gone.  Some I have been glad to see the back of, and doubtless, students would say the same about me.  Others, I do occasionally see, and some have become personal friends.  

 

Ending lessons with a teacher is simply that.  No need for such a drama.


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#34 Gran'piano

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Posted 14 September 2019 - 10:39

Two minor points - I think most teachers teach not only to make money, but also because they enjoy teaching, enjoy helping their pupils to make progress. Often, at the beginning it is quite hard work finding the right level to work at, what needs most practice, which deficits the pupil might have (for whatever reason), the right tactics, the right tone for corrections...  And having sorted some of this out, one looks forward to a slightly easier road ahead. If the pupil (irrespective of why) very soon decides to discontinue lessons, the teacher might quite simply be disappointed. (I was, on more than one occasion). 

Also, Adultpianist has already changed flute teachers once (I appreciate it wasn't from choice) but if the slightest criticism of a previous teacher is voiced, my reaction was often to think - and what is this pupil going to tell others about me and my teaching?

These points are not directed at anyone, but they are from my own experience.


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#35 elemimele

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Posted 14 September 2019 - 12:59

… good points too! Healthy disappointment is part of moving on. But one could have a whole thread on criticism of former teachers - that's a scary area.


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#36 jenny

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Posted 14 September 2019 - 15:49

I'm very old fashioned. I'm still suspicious of people who don't give a landline number! There are quite a lot of people who don't have a smartphone, or who don't really use it as one.

 

I wonder why you are suspicious? I don't even have a landline phone (although I was given a number because of having broadband) and just use a mobile all the time. I'm happy to receive messages from pupils and parents by text and by email. It's what most people do nowadays. I've also never had any problem with text messages 'going missing' - maybe I've just been lucky.


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#37 Banjogirl

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Posted 14 September 2019 - 16:34

I know, I know. It goes back to the early days of mobiles when having no landline meant that maybe you didn't live anywhere or were a scammer who didn't want to reveal their address. And calls to mobiles were really expensive so I resented having to use them.
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#38 ma non troppo

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Posted 15 September 2019 - 10:28

I remember feeling like that too in the early days of mobiles - but I do think times have changed! I don't give out my mobile number until I have met someone - so all my enquiries come via email. I prefer it that way - and I think you can glean an awful lot about someone from email, contrary to popular opinion. Anyway, probably drifting a bit OT.
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