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Adults not behaving!


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#1 Norway

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 14:22

I wonder how other teachers deal with adult students who seem to need to be reminded of the obvious. Particularly when they are sensitive to criticism, and you've already cut them more slack than you should, and they are driving you up the wall....


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#2 Latin pianist

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 14:49

What are they doing, Norway? Not practising, not taking notice of what you say? 


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#3 Norway

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 15:31

Is a good student who practises but without going into too much detail, endless interruptions from noisy pets, not being organised so always being late, and always wasting loads of lesson time looking for stuff, always having to be reminded to pay, eating meals in the lesson.... Seems to be getting worse... apologises every time and then does the exact same thing again. I don't like having to treat adults like babies and point out that these things are unacceptable as it feels patronising but...


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#4 BadStrad

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 16:03

I think you just need to be honest. If you don't tell them how their behaviour is making you feel then they won't know and won't change. If you do tell them how their behaviour makes you feel it will hopefully feel less like a criticism to them and make them think more about the effect of their behaviour.

I would say something like "when you eat in the lessons (or what ever issue you want to address most) it makes me feel like I am intruding on your meal time which makes me feel uncomfortable." (or whatever feels appropriate to say) Then if you wanted to say something else and your schedule allows it you could suggest having the lesson fifteen minutes later or something to allow them time to eat.
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#5 KathyB

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 16:04

I just think if they want to pay me while they wast their lesson time then that’s their choice. ????
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#6 maryellen

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 16:11

It’s not easy to tell an adult “behave”.

I run a successful points system for the children I teach, but expect adults to be motivated enough to do the work , but a while back I had an adult pupil who wanted to moan about her life constantly throughout her lessons. 
one day, after half the lesson of moaning and no playing, I suggested she should play the piano and start her lesson.  Her reply was “ I’m paying you to listen to me , so we will start the lesson soon!! “ 

needless to say, she no longer has lessons ????

 


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#7 Norway

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 16:20

As long as she didn't expect extra time to get through the music! I book in another pupil after people like this. Ding dong "Oh here's Jemima - see you next week!" One had the cheek to then say that her lesson felt rushed! She'd had the time she'd paid for!


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#8 Latin pianist

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 16:25

I assume you go to their home, or do they bring a packed lunch with them?! Could they come to you away from all the distractions?


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#9 maryellen

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 16:26

The thing is that she was quite happy to end the lesson on time, or even earlier ! 
She was using me as a counsellor . 
She had bought a brand new Yamaha piano but didn’t want to practice. 
I suggested she had a break and even though she’s asked to come back to lessons, I never have any places available


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#10 Norway

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 16:33

It's a Skype lesson. I know I should address it, and probably will, but she is very sensitive and has not taken kindly to being told stuff in the past. Also, I've bitten my tongue for longer than I should have, and am now pretty fed up, which is going to make diplomacy tricky. The real reason I think that eating in lessons is unacceptable is because it is slobby and disrespectful to the teacher, and to be honest, that's what I feel I should say, because it is! :unsure:


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#11 maryellen

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 16:39

I feel the same. 
It is disrespectful - and she obviously isn’t giving full concentration to her lesson.  
I love teaching, but not when I come away from the lesson thinking that there’s no point. 
It’s either a case of taking her money and putting up with it anyway, or just getting rid of her. 


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#12 elemimele

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 18:07

I find that rather weird. I can understand someone being chaotic and wasting the first ten minutes having a crisis with their internet connection and realising that the music they thought was in the folder stuffed down the side of the sofa with the newspapers isn't, and they haven't a clue where it is. That's just routine incompetence. But eating during a skype call is strange. I think I would only ever consider doing that if someone I knew well specifically asked for an informal-but-urgent-chat and we agreed that both of us had no chance to fit it in unless we did it over a meal-time, i.e. a pre-arranged "working lunch".

But this whole skype thing has changed society. I find it weird that kid's school had to tell parents (several times) that their kids should be dressed before joining on-line classrooms. Some people don't seem to grasp the concept that just because we're doing something online, the normal social rule-book hasn't been wiped clean.

 

I think BadStrad hit the nail on the head with her very sensible suggestion.


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#13 Norway

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 18:44

Yes - I'll have to try to say something without sounding too annoyed. (Reaches for tranqullisers!)

 

"Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,

Many a thing she ought to understand...."

 

And I told her about all the weird people who wear nighties in town centres who I've seen recently, and she agreed that this was weird... :headdesk: Time to instil some standards methinks!


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#14 elemimele

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 20:15

oh, I always wear a nightie and pick up a take-away when I'm going for piano lessons...


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#15 Norway

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 20:36

I would pay to see that! :lol:


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