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Loads Of Trumpet Jokes


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#1 Guest: jonscott14_*

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Posted 28 February 2005 - 09:45

Trumpet Jokes





How many trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could've done it.


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What's the difference between a trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.


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What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.


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Why can't gorillas play trumpet?
Gorillas are too sensitive.


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The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One.
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In an emergency a jazz trumpeter was hired to do some solos with a symphony orchestra. Everything went fine through the first movement, when she had some really hair-raising solos, but in the second movement she started improvising madly when she wasn't supposed to play at all.
After the concert the conductor came round looking for an explanation. She said, "I looked in the score and it said 'tacit'-- so I took it!"


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How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because the world revolves around them!


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What's the difference between a trumpet and a chain saw?
Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.


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What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't.


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How many trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.


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How do trumpet players traditionally greet eachother?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."


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How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
The doorbell shrikes!


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What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.


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What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up"?
"But Johnny, you can't do both."


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What would a trumpet player do if he won a million dollars?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.


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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the trumpet players.


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How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trumpet player's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.


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What do you call a lead trumpet player with half a brain?
Gifted.


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What's the first thing a trumpet player says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"


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How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Louis Armstrong would have done it.


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How do you get a trumpet player to play fff?
Write mp on the part.


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What's the difference between a free jazz trumpeter and a terrorist?
The terrorist has sympathizers.


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Three famous trumpet players are up in an airplane. One of them says, "I'll throw out a 100 dollar bill and make someone very happy." The one next to him says, "I'll throw out two 50 dollar bills, and make two people very happy." The other one said, "I'll throw five 20's out the door, and make five people happy." The pilot, who was their conductor, said, "Why don't all three jump, and make the whole band very happy?"
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What is the range of a trumpet player?
It depends: how strong are you, and how much do you want to hurt him?


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How many jazz trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb?
Never mind- they can fake the changes.


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How do you get a trumpet player to play softly?
Take away his instrument.


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So anyway, there's this Jazz trumpet player who's never made the money he wanted, but hey, that's jazz. He gets run over by a bus and due to his unruley life, goes down to ######. He stood at the rusted iron gates when a bellowing voice calls out,
"Jazz musican are we?..............corridor C, door 14!"

So on he treks, trumpet firmly in hand. As he walks down the corridor he's struck dumb by this absolutley amazing Jazz jam going on. He follows the sound, picking up speed he final comes to the source of the 'Heavenly' sound..........door 14. He can't belive his luck when he opens the door, Dizzy Gillespie, Miles Davies, Buddy Rich..........all the greats were here. Dizzy looks over at him and says,

"Pull up a pew, son, and let the Jazz free"

He starts playing, still dumb-founded with his luck. If this was ######, then he'd be happy spending eternity here. Just then the door opens and in walks the devil.

"Right, boys and girls!! Break time over!............."

"I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want... You tell me what you want, what you really, really want..."
(Or equally annoying music!)


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How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway?
Seven- if you lay them out correctly.


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How many second trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
None they can't reach that high.


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How many trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:What's a lightbulb?????


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A great jazz trumpet player dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he finds out that heaven has a jazz band and rehearsal is about to begin. When he arrives at the rehearsal, he finds out that it is the biggest jazz band he had ever seen. There were over twenty trumpet players, including all the greats, like Miles Davis, Dizzy Gillespie, Louis Armstrong, and many others. The band sounds incredible, the best he had ever heard, and all of the players were great, with one exception. The lead player was horrible! The lead player had no high chops, couldn't play a decent swing groove, and could not improvise. Yet this horrible player was on lead, really looked like he was getting into the songs, and looked incredibly smug and pleased with himself after every song. Incredulous, he asked the player next to him, "Who is that guy? He's horrible!" The other player replied, "Oh, that's just God. He only likes to think that he's Wynton Marsalis."
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Q: How many trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one: all he has to do is hold his horn above his head the the world revolves around him.


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What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.


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whats the range of a solo trumpet player?
about 40 yards if its a "super-light" model.


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Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
--So they can park in the handicapped spot.


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What's the differance between a trumpet player and God?
God knows he's not a trumpet player.


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How do you tell a trumpet player's knocking at your door?
The knock speeds up.


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A trumpet player at Louisiana Tech sent me this:
Since that I am a trumpet player I understand all of those jokes. Fortunatly I am not like the others here at Louisiana Tech. The only thing I have in common with them is that I smoke. Here are a few things people say about us......
1)If you need a trumpet player go look on the back porch.
2)We are sponsored by Marlboro.
3)Need a smoke? Ask a trumpet player.

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How can you tell a trumpet player's kids at a playground?
They don't know how to swing.


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4 trumpet players are in a mini van. The mini van goes off a cliff. What's the tragedy in this?
You can fit 8 trumpet players in a mini van.


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How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Zero. They just complain about the darkness until a trombone player does it for them.



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#2 Guest: Oddball_*

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Posted 28 February 2005 - 10:43

Whoa.....you could have sent a link to a webpage!!

But it made me laugh through this incredibly boring lesson of ICT.

laugh.gif
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#3 Guest: jaime_*

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Posted 01 March 2005 - 15:12

lol

cheered up my boring afternoon being ill!!

thankyou v.much.
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